Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Tough

I was thinking lately about the blog and all the things I post. For the most part the things I post are generally happy in nature or positive. We recently had a discussion in my triplet mommy's group about blogs and how sometimes it seems like people try to make their lives appear all rosey and wonderful. They dont show the "real" side of things. It got me thinking about my blog and I realized that I tend to do that. I guess its mainly because I get constantly judged for having triplets and am always hearing how "hard" it must be that I dont want to give the nay sayers the satisfaction of being "right". But when I look back on this blog I want to remember everything. Good, bad, and ugly. And well, since my camera is broke and dont have any cute pictures I had to post something. Har har.

The realty many days is I am exhausted. I have a lot to take care of. Laundry, meals, housecleaning, bills, laundry, and making sure 3 14 month olds and one husband are happy and healthy. Add in house renovations, no time to myself, and financial stress and it does make for some very long and stressful days. I rarely go anywhere and if I attempt to talk on the phone I swear my kids know it and decide at that very moment that their lives are coming to end and they need me RIGHT THEN AND THERE. If I attempt a phone call, I usually try to go on the porch or wait until the sweet darlins are locked in a room. I barely keep in touch with family and friends, usually the blog is the only form of communication.

Then there is the babies themselves. The are, well, babies. They are teething, testing boundaries, exploring new things and foods, fighting over toys, and wanting mommy or daddy at every waking moment. They remind me daily there reach is getting longer and they are getting smarter and more creative. As I type this one of my sweet darlings grabbed my full cup of coffee and dumped it on the floor. Sigh. Once again I am mumbling to myself, never a break. I am in the house pretty much 24/7. I work 13 hours a day, 7 days a week at least. There is never a moment when I do not have a stain, puke, food, poo, or something else on my clothing. I manage a shower everyday but to actually "do" my hair is rare. And make-up, yeah right. My teeth usually get brushed at least once a day. . . usually. One might say take the babies and go to the park or what not. But have you ever attempted to heard 3 toddlers out the door, into carseats, then load the triplet stroller or choo choo, the suitcase that double as a diaper bag, and all the snack cups and sippy's by yourself? Its a lot of work. . . and thats just loading them. Once we get to said park there is the unloading of the triplet stroller, unloading the babies, grabbing the suitcase, then pushing the baby limo through the sand (haha) to the park only to unleash 3 babies that will go in every direction and eat everything in site. Not exactly a relaxing time out. Then there are the new things the babies are "learning" like tantrums and fits. Add in a child that refuses to take a nap unless being rocked and well you get the idea. Exhausted. Many of my triplet momma friends have family, nanny's, sitters, and friends to help them. I have my wonderful husband who does his best to give me a break but in between working a stressful full time job then spending every waking moment doing renovations on the house it does not give him a lot of time to give me a break. I am lucky to have Brittany, my friends teenage daughter and a wonderful mom's helper, who comes for a few hours on Mondays. And my friend Paula who comes for 1/2 day every Wed. and has ever since the babies were about 2 months old. My mom and Dave also comes up often and give me a break too. But thats it. Its not easy to find a babysitter who can handle 3 babies. And because we dont have family close by and rarely see our friends we dont have any close to the babies that knows their schedule and quirks. So not a lot of time for Jeff and I or just for myself.

If you would have asked me a couple of weeks ago how I was doing I would have told you exhausted, stressed, drained, and in need of a break. But, just when you think you cant take anymore relief seems to come. There have been some very stressful times in the past couple weeks, but they have made me realized some very important things. First and foremost my babies are happy and healthy. I am reminded of this everytime we take them somewhere and we hear at least once without fail "what good babies" we have. Secondly, my husband is a Godsend. He is understanding, patient, and a wonderful dad. I am grateful to have him. And last, I need to take care of myself before I can take care of anybody else. So that means asking for help when I need (my absolute least favorite thing to do), taking an afternoon for myself and being confident the Jeff and will babies will be fine, and stop stressing over the small insignificant stuff. So maybe I do have three times the diapers, dishes, laundry, crying, ear aches, theething, and sleep issues. I also have three times the smiles, giggles, chasing, laughing, hugs, kisses, love, and happiness. Things may not always be rosey and easy and probably wont be for a long time, but I am happy and would not change a thing. . . unless that thing was winning the lottery.

17 comments:

Mira said...

You go Mary. You do have it rough and you are surviving. You are an incredible example to us all. I know going to the park is exhausting, I only will go to fenced in ones. Then I try to sit as much as I can, feeling guilty all the time that I'm not all in there helping them slide and stuff. It's never enough so you have to draw the line somewhere. Take anyone's help that's offered and get them to help with the small stuff. Sit down when you can. Cry when you have to.

You're doing great. It is still going to get easier because soon they will listen to commands and you can just yell at them from across the room. ha ha.

Amy Missey said...

Great post, Mary. You hit the nail on the head. We don't really head to parks (or many public places in general) yet either. Maybe, like Mira said, when they can listen a little better. Who knows? You're doing a fantastic job dealing with a highly stressful situation. One thing I wanted to mention--my babysitter had no experience with triplets, but I stayed with her the first few months when the trio was tiny. Now she can handle them alone. You might want to try to find someone, then have them come over a few times to play with the babies with you around, then try to just have her stay alone with them for an hour, and see how it goes. You might be surprised, and then you could get out, and go read a tabloid at Starbucks. That's what I like to do, anyway :)

Meredith said...

Mary, you are a real trooper, and my "mommy mentor". The other night, when I was getting up at 2am to feed a crying Dallas, I thought of you...it was a totally out of the blue random thought! But I thought to myself, "How the hell did Mary survive this with THREE?" I have a decent sleeper who is down to only waking once a night...but I'm still tired and grumpy so much. Being a mom is absolutely mind-bogglingly exhausting!

You are absolutely amazing to get through each and every day with three beautiful, happy, and healthy children. Wish I could come give you a break. :-)

Cheers,
Meredith

Lani said...

I can sympathize with every word of this:) You are right, we tend to report the good things, and not the bad/tough stuff as much on our blogs. It's hard to put out the whole truth of our lives, but it definitely gives a more realistic view of things when we do! For me, it's hard to say a lot of things because I know certain (inlaw) family members are reading and I don't want anyone jumping to conclusions:)
I've been in a lazy funk lately, and haven't taken the kids many places in the past few weeks. I feel so guilty when we don't go out, but it's just SO much work! Hang in there, though, I hear it gets easier:)

Mike & Dee said...

I'm proud of you. I'm inspired to do the same now. Hang in there - you are a wonder woman.

Shelby said...

This post brings tears to my eyes.
Not being a mom myself I can't say I know exactly how you feel. But, having raised enough kids I get the general idea. I think your post was so well written. Exposing the realities of your day and leaving yourself exposed is never an easy thing to do. You, my friend did it wonderfully. You are an amazing woman who demonstrates her almost unflappable inner and outer strength everyday. Just remember my friend even though everyday is not perfect and most times things go a little unevenly you are doing the best you can and doing an amazing job at that. You are inspiration.

Madigan said...

That was a wonderful post Mary.

Rebekah said...

Your right Aunt Mary! That's the right attitude! Love and Miss you!

Cassie said...

Mary~
You are awesome! Ive always known so...hehehe! I completely sympathize with you! It REALLY is SO hard, and people who disagree, are niave!! I do promise that it will get easier to take them out soon. These days we pull up to the park, I let them out, they run to the gate (no stroller!)and they play! It is awesome once they are able to do it all on their own! I stick to gated parks also! I like church playgrounds! We are usually the only ones there! :) Anyway, you know..you are doing a fantastic job! And I understand trying to keep the blog optimistic, Im right there with you! And for every stressful, hairpulling moment...there are those moments that we just look at them and cant imagine what we did so RIGHT to have them as our kids! All they have to do is smile at me and I forget that there is yogurt all over the table, wall, floor, and their freshly washed hair! :)

Rebecca J said...

Thanks so much for being honest, Mary. Your post really hit home for me because the truth is raising 3 babies is insanely exhausting! I recently told my mom, "Sometimes I wish I could take a sick day from my life!" I think it is so important to find and use the help that is out there. We really do need personal time and when I don't get it I feel overwhelmed and that the daily task is just too great! But, after getting just a couple of hours of "free time", I tend to return home excited to see my little ones. Hang in there, Mary, you are doing an amazing job!

gramma and poppa said...

This was hard to read because I know you are exhausted and I wish we were closer so I can help. I miss you so much and miss watching them grow. I pray everyday something will change. I know everyone says you are doing a wonderful job, which you are. You are doing an amazing job, but that doesnt give you the help you so deserve and need. It weighs on me daily. All I want to do is cry.

Eric said...

Good words Mary. We feel like we are constantly walking the fine line between the joy and blessing of the kids and the constant reality that the task is too great. Will be praying that you have some endless energy and boundless strength.

Anonymous said...

Mary- You are amazing. You handle these beautiful babies and all the glory that comes with so gracefully. The patience that you have learned is a lesson that many will never know -myself included... You and jeff have 3 healthy, beautiful children. All you ever wanted... You are doing a fantastic job, Lady! Just remember: Deep breathes,a glass of wine and some music can help with most anything...

love you!
Kristen

Mary Dunbar said...

Thank you so much everyone for all your kind and encouraging words. I have the comments, more than once, and they make me feel so much better and like I can do this. Thank you so much. =)

The Carney's said...

You hit the nail on the head Mary! I wish I could say something to ease your mind but I'm pretty much in the same boat and I count my blessings each day that I have four healthy children. It is difficult and things are unpredictable being a mommy of multiples but you are doing an amazing job and don't ever doubt yourself. Hang in there...things might not get easier but the memories - good and bad - will last a lifetime :-) ~Savvy

mary said...

Well said Mary, I can relate to it all. You are an awesome Mom, keep up the great work!!!!

Sherry said...

Mary, wow you have a tough spot and still doing great. I can't even imagine your exhaustion. Since I work at home and have the kids... I often feel the same way. My family is not close either and when i went through a rough time this past year with my husband due to health issues not being able to help. I was drained and quite frankly feeling done. The best thing I did was get a teenager to help. She does all the laundry, carries it up stairs and puts it away. It is the best gift I gave myself for some reason alot of stress came from laundry. I wish you the best and know it does get better.